What the--?

Eyebrow Raisers and Double Takes

This week: The Little Gold Eternity by JIMMYJANE

So when you saw Blood Diamond, did you suddenly have the urge to fill your panties with the fruit of forced labor? Does the thought of buying overpriced shoes made by child slaves in India strangely turn you on?

Well, that means two things:

1. You are a seriously bad person.
2. Someone out there has made the vibrator just for you.

The Little Gold Eternity is part of the Little Something line from JIMMYJANE. On its own, the Little Gold vibe, could make its way onto this list as it is a vibe made of 24 karot gold. It has a replaceable motor, buzzes on one AA battery, and will run you $325. And the Little Gold does get extra points because its product page lists "ride your bike in the rain with one in the basket," as one possible thing to do with your new toy.

But I know some of you out there will not be satisfied to fuck yourself with vibrating gold. That's right. The Little Gold Eternity: a 24 karot gold vibrator encircled by 28, amounting to .66 carots of DIAMONDS.

Perhaps you should not only fund the diamond industry, but maybe you should also rub them on your clit. Now, I don't know about you, but when I think diamonds, I'm thinking hardest mineral around that will scratch any other naturally occurring substance. Hey, my vagina is naturally occurring. I'm staring at the zoomed picture and I don't care if those diamonds are inset, they can't be perfectly smooth.

Insanity at literally getting off on diamonds aside, just how damn hard must that thing be to clean! I'm used to going at my jewelry with q-tips and toothpicks to try to get all the dust out. Can you imagine the process of trying to get any fluids out of the crevices in there? Yeesh!

So how much will this little number cost you? (And it is pretty darn little. It's probably about as thick as a finger.) The Eternity runs at $2,750. For that they still won't even put a bow on it for free. It's $5 extra for gift wrapping and $31.57 for Fed Ex Ground delivery.

But at least they are being honest: there's a high probability that you'll be getting fucked with this purchase.

If gold is too flashy for you, they do sell a Platinum version of the Eternity for a mere $3,250.

Check it out for yourself here.

Everybody Kegel! Part Two

Advanced Kegeling:
Tools and Techniques

Now that you know how to Kegel, the hardest part of the exercise is remembering to do it! So pick an activity that you do pretty much everyday. Waste you brain on the boob tube a few hours a day? Pass the commercials strengthening your PC's. Decide to do them at the stop lights on your commute or while you longingfully wait for your morning coffee to perk. Just pick a time that will remind you, Oh! here is where I squeeze my sexy bits! Once you get into the routine of it, Kegeling will just be part of your normal day like brushing your teeth or Google Image-searching dirty words for fun.

What else can help you remember to do your Kegels or really challenge those muscles? Luckily there are a nearly endless line of products developed for this very purpose. While I could write an entry on each of these (and certainly will for some of them) but here's a run down on the best and most amusing ones.


No one seems to be able to agree on if just Kegels on their own is enough or if resistance is really necessary for PC strength. Like Tai Chi vs. lifting weights. It is funny to note though that the people who claim that Kegels alone do nothing, are the same people selling you a product to fix that.

First developed by gynecologist Arnold Kegel in 1948, vaginal exercisers have taken off from there. Originally, Kegel used a bulb-like structure that when the PC's tightened around it, the pressure could be noted over time. Kegel believed that to obtain real results, the PC muscles need to work against some resistance. Strangely enough, a Kegel exercise as we know it today without any inserted apparatus, is something that Arnold Kegel never studied or endorsed.

Modern tools for resistance training of the pelvic floor muscles vary widely and break down into three basic groups: balls, exercisers, and weights. There is crossover--bear with me. And most of them come with great names like KegelMaster 2000, GyneFlex, Kegelcisor, and Pelvexiser. Which all sound like either a must have product that slices, dices, AND drives you to work--or really hardcore wrestling moves. Neither of which I want anywhere near my vagina, but let's go over the major ones.

Balls

Known as Ben Wa balls, vaginal balls, K-balls, and pleasaure balls, these products are small balls ranging in size from a marble to a ping pong ball. They are meant to be inserted into the vagina and left there. Their presense is a reminder to Kegel around their resistance. Many of them are hollow with small metal balls inside them so that when you move they resonate with tiny little vibrations, but usually nothing that noticeable unless you're doing jumping jacks. They are made from all sorts of materials from rubber to semi-precious stones.


PROS: Multitasking toy--you can put these in and go grocery shopping, small vibration builds arousal, larger balls can give g-spot stimulation, most affordable.

CONS: Some find them difficult to insert or uncomfortable at first, difficult to maneuver in public bathrooms (some people can pee with them in but I sure can't), you'll want to make sure you get a nonporous material as no one wants something that breeds bacteria nestled in your twat for hours on end.

Exercisers

For the most part, these all look like clothespins to me. They are not toys, these are a workout. Products like the KegelMaster 200 and the GyneFlex rely basically on the concept of opening a spring loaded clothespin with your extreme vaginal prowess. Some of them even have pressure gauges attached so you can see just how many pounds of cubic force you're exerting. (Let's hope not too many if you've got a male partner. Yikes.)


PROS: These are the Rocky training class of exercisers, proof you're working the right muscles, perk of checking your vag pressure on a guage, some are affordable.

CONS: You really have to sit down and set aside time to only do your Kegels because unless you have really comfortable roommates--this is a lay in your room with the door closed activity, many are expensive.

Weights

This is where we come to things like the Isis and the Kegelcisor. These exercisers tend to look like dildos and can play double duty. They are made of heavy materials like glass, acrylic, and stainless steal. These are mainly used as a hard surface to Kegel around while inserted or as a weight to insert into the vagina, stand up, and try to keep the toy there. If you can hold a full pound of steel in your vagina by a small bulb while standing, I'd say you're on your way to Olympic PC's.

PROS: While you're there if you get bored you can start masturbating, double as sex toys on their own, prices vary greatly.

CONS: Not a multitasking option, risk that user might never get to the exercising part, some are expensive.


Feeling Left Out, Guys?

There is one Kegel exerciser for men out there and it's not so imaginitively called The Kegel Male Trainer. They are pretty much cock pullups. You hang weights from your penis and lift them using your PC muscles. You have to check it out to really get the full effect. There's an animated illustration. It's pretty amazing. If you're brave enough, check out the video. My favorite part is the first "Helpful Tips."

Everybody Kegel!

Why the world would be a better place if we all Kegeled more often.
The first of a two-part installation.

No matter how many times you go to the gym a week, or how many protein shakes you're drinking, or how many sit up's you mean to do and then end up watching House instead--there's an exercise I bet you're not doing that can improve your life.

Keg-what?

Kegel exercises strengthen and tone your pubococcygeus muscles (often called PC muscles because who wants to pronounce that monster all the time). These are the muscles along your pelvic floor.

Why Kegel?

Strong PC muscles prevent incontinence in both sexes. In women: they make childbirth less painful and protect against vaginal and uterine prolapse (contrary to Victorian belief, if your vagina falls out it will not become a penis--just very uncomfortable). In men: they aid in general prostate health.

Need another reason for strong PC's besides not peeing yourself when you sneeze or not rockin' the adult diapers? They make sex better! An orgasm is a muscles spasm, and stronger pelvic muscles mean stronger orgasms. Women with strong PC's can clamp down with their vaginal muscles and feel tighter. Men can prevent premature ejaculation, shorten their refractory period, and maintain harder erections. What's not to love?

How to Kegel

First you have to locate your PC muscles. You might have read in places like Cosmo to find your PC's by stopping the flow of urine while peeing. Urologists agree this isn't the best plan and could lead to UTI's. Also your PC muscles are more widespread than that.
So here's what you want to do:

• Pretend that you really have to poop but you're stuck in a car and the driver is a sadistic bastard. Tighten the muscles of your rectum like you're holding it in. That's half the battle.
• Next: well, hell--now you have to pee too! And no rest stops in sight. Contract the muscles that hold in your urine. Feel the difference?
  

Both of those make up your PC muscles and both will better your sex life. Practice until you can tighten both sets of muscles together. There you go: that's a Kegel Exercise.

Want to double check you got the right ones? Men: if you've got it, Kegeling will make your penis jump. Girls: Kegeling will make the erectile tissues of your clit lift and fall and if you slip a finger inside your vagina, your vaginal walls will tighten around your finger.

Exercise Regimen for your Bits?

Most experts recommend doing your PC exercises anywhere from 20 to 60 minutes a day. I say do them whenever you remember. You'll be able to tell when you've done enough--they'll feel tired like any other muscle after exercise. It may be difficult at first like any exercise, but with time and practice they get easier and easier.

Try to vary doing short quick contractions and long drawn out ones. See how long you can hold a contraction. You can do these ANYWHERE: at work, in class, at stoplights, doing dishes and no one will even know.

To sum up: easy, discreet pelvic squeezes better your overall health and increase sexual satisfaction. If everyone did these more often, everyone would be in a better mood.

Kegel Fun Fact
The muscles you use to Kegel are the same muscles dogs use to wag their tails.

Next time: Beyond beginner Kegeling--the tools of the trade.

No one likes first posts.

I don't like first posts. I'm sure you don't like first posts. They're boring, regularly preachy, and too self-aware. So let's get this over with, shall we?


Welcome to SEX(ED). Where sex tips and stories meet casual and fun sex education. The goal here is to be informative while not boring your socks off. Instead, the plan is the inform your pants off. Take that as literally as you like.

I hope to run the gambit here from safe sex to erotic fiction to sex toy education to techniques to safe BDSM to basic anatomy lessons. But this will not be your high school sex ed class. Or your talk with your parents.

A forewarning: While this blog is supportive of all gender identifications, it will mainly focus on topics relating to lady bits since those are the ones that I have and am most familiar with. But owners of cocks are more than welcome to participate equally.

So if you're ready for a sexy and fun learning experience, keep this blog in mind and listen to Teacher.